my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
