i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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