she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize