so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
