you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You left your phone here
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