thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
