I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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