Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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