If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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