Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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