He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
