i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
