wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
