a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
