i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
