just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
