Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize