It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
