I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
