I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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