The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
