Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize