ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
