All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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