it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
