Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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