So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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