never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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