I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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