Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
