I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Who died my cat blue again?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
