Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
