Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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