Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize