this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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