Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
