she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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