the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
