I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
