i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its not stalking. its research.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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