Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize