Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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