omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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