i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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