The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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