You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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