Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize