**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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