I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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