she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
