sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
