I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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