Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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