did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
