I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
