Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
