I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
it's like iHOP with fire
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
