I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
