Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
