Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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