he thought i was a dude.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will be naked everywhere
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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