Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
