So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
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