I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
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