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• (805): View more from California

  all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?

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• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  On the bright side I still got laid

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• (714): View more from California

  Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.

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• (518): View more from New York

  I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere

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• (315): View more from New York

  I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.

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