kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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