So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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