is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
