I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
