My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
