oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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