if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
