so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
