He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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