So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize