i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
