Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I could fuck to npr.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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