oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
