Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im on a boat
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