im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
did i walk over a car last night?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
