New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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