This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize